I thought for a second I had escaped them all. Yesterday I worked a long shift at Tank Juice, at the normal location of Northlands Mall. Now everyone knows that shopping malls around the world are filled with homeless and hearless wierdos that have nothing else to do but hang around shopping malls being homeless and heartless. For some unknown reason yesterday there was a disproportionate number of wierdos in the mall, and for some further unknown reason they all seemed to gravitate towards me and my little wee shop. I can't explain it. But when I finished at the end fo the day I thought I'd gotten away from them, and that it would go back to the normal number of homeless and heartless wierdos. How wrong was I?
Today I'm filling in for a couple hours at the work-out-gym capital of the world, Les Mills Christchurch. Meatheads and protien junkies from all over the world seem to come here to pump iron (this comment is not directed at those of you that I know that come to Les Mills, I know you're not like the regulars that come here every waking minute of their day). I figured that these people couldn't possibly be a bunch of wierdos that would annoy the shit out of me, but for some reason it happened. Here's an exchange I had with two people, one wierdo and one ultrawierdo, about half an hour ago as they came in to get some nutritious and delicious Tank drinks...
Wierdo: Hi, I'll have the veggie combo juice, but with spinach instead of spicey tomato juice (Sidebar: You cannot get a whole hell of juice out of wilted, dead spinach. Trust me on this one.).
Me: Uh, sure, not a problem, I'll work it out.
Wierdo: (Insert Ultrawierdo's name here), are you getting anything?
Ultrawierdo: (In a voice loud enough to hear across the busy street outside) I'll, uh, mmm, huh... I'll have one of these ones on the board up here, but I don't want frozen yoghurt or strawberries.
Me: Okay, no problem. I can leave the frozen yoghurt out of anything that's up there, and there are quite a few that don't have any strawberries...
Ultrawierdo: Well I definitely don't want frozen yoghurt, that's for sure! And no strawberries! How about this one, on the board up here! (Sidebar: At Tank Juice, we have six different boards of options, all with on average seven or eight juices and smoothies. For me to pick the exact drink he's looking for is a near impossible venture.)
Me: (Sigh) Uh, okay...
Ultrawierdo: This one, with peach nectar, oranges, strawberries, and orange sarbet (He meant sorbet). But I don't want any strawberries!
Wierdo: I think he means the Tank Up. He'll have the Tank Up. Give him the large. No strawberries (just in case I didn't catch it the first four times...).
Me: Actually I'm sorry, but we haven't got any orange sarbet at the moment.
Ultrawierdo: Well put some frozen yoghurt in it then...
Me: (Sigh).
Did I mention that he was missing the front four teeth from both the top and bottom of his mouth?
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After several years of working his way around the world, the Modern Day Hobo decides to rest his head in one of the Hobo capitals of the world, Vancouver. It's back to city life for this wandering soul...
2 comments:
He's probably missing them from having them punched out by some other exasperated juice maker/cinema worker/anyone who works for their money and has to deal with freaks.
Maybe he's a professional gay porn star and that's his gimmick... maybe his stage name is something like toothy McSlips or Slippery Pete. Ah hell Adam, maybe he had a severe allergy to Strawberries and by that I mean you should have slipped in a single strawberry "by accident" and then took the time and pleasure of watching him twitch and shake about on the gym floor. That'd been sweet.
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